What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!